help-mywife:

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

daily-bad-jokes:

i don’t believe in hoes before bros OR bros before hoes. i think there needs to be a bro/hoe balance. a homie-hoe-stasis, if you will

aw1998monsters:

Anyone: u ok
Me; yeah just thinking about how I’ll never be this young again and about how most of my youth has been lost to depression loneliness and self doubt lol

marxoids:

Me, passing someone on the highway: bitch

Me, being passed on the highway: bitch

childofdoom:

my friend just texted me “it’s not acceptable that trump feels good about himself and you don’t” and i think it’s the most motivational thing i’ve ever read

jaclcfrost:

you know what truly disgusts me… being able to feel my own heartbeat. it’s bad. don’t need to actively know what’s going on in there. don’t need to feel that. it’s not any of my business

putmezove:

may people with pure intentions find people with pure intentions

6killshit:

Nothing annoys me more than when someone expects you to be okay with something that they wouldn’t be okay with if you did it.

m86:

you, intelligent: you gotta talk to them if you want them to be interested in you! you gotta show interest =)

me, stupid:

fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me  fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me fall in love with me f

sangoireseussian:

daddy-frnk:

hearse-in-reverse:

bannerinthevalley:

solitarylikeme:

tinytazninja:

dickrockerjanecrocker:

blainedarling:

heysammy:

a-sorta-fairytale:

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever had sex with

 #empty chairs at empty tables

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever thought about having sex with

oh god NO

oh god YES

Imagine your cousin sitting there wondering what he has in common with these people

what

what

what

georgiasokeeffe:

i get so grossed out when people make fun of other people’s appearances like u know when u overhear two guys talking about how “man she has no ass at all” or a couple of girls making fun of another girl for wearing a pair of shorts that “aren’t made for her body type” i legitimately feel sick to my stomach like why would u do that…